|btw all I wanted to do in that dress was flex in the mirror.|
As predicted, we stayed up / out late both Friday and Saturday and the food's that we ate was far from Paleo. Sunday morning we woke up and headed home and as soon as I got back, I took a three hour nap and screwed up my sleeping pattern.
So in what I'm calling my mini crisis, I decided that I needed another option besides (ok not besides, but in addition to) Crossfit. I convinced myself that because of my unpredictable tiredness and the set times for Crossfit classes, I needed something more flexible. I also felt like going to Crossfit was such a "reduced" effort on my part, I needed something more.
So today after work, on a recommendation of a friend, I went to a globo gym, 24/7. They offer a Summer Membership for a low price and most of all, they have a pool.
The second I stepped into the facility, I felt worse about myself. I felt uncomfortable with all the people coming in right after work and scanning their membership card. I felt sad for all the people on the cardo machines staring into space trying to get their burn on.
When asked about my fitness history I told the woman that I've been Crossfitting for about a year and my only goal is to maintain my endurance / fitness level during my pregnancy. She asked if I was interested in Personal Training sessions and I just laughed. No thanks! I have my own personal training at my home box.
I had planned to work out after signing up, but not sure what came over me. I had to leave and that made me feel even worse. Obviously I'm having a really hard time dealing with my tiredness, energy level, and slowly letting go of the body that I worked so hard to get. (Even though I wasn't quite were I wanted to be).
I hate to keep whining and blogging about how upset I've been, but it's truly been a struggle. I know that I just need to buck up, get my ass to the gym and stop eating shit. I know the answer, but I'm literally hitting rock bottom mentally and I can't seem to get myself out of this. I need to spend the time to manage my schedule and plan my meals so I don't "swing by" the closest fast food place.
I keep saying next week, next week, but now I have no excuses. I belong to TWO gyms, and I have control what I eat. The only thing that I can't control sadly is how much sleep I get and how I'm going to feel each day.
The rest of my week is pretty low key (weekend including) and I'm going to use it to plan out my workouts as best as possible and start putting more effort into my diet. I know that once I get back into both eating right and working out, I will feel better physically and mentally, but it's just a matter of getting started.
Again, I'm trying to keep this blog real and I'm keeping things honest. You guys are there for me during my high points and you are especially there for my lows, and I really appreciate all the support you all have given me :)